Fallen in love again

I have barely any words. My usual verbal diarrhoea has completely been replaced by verbal constipation. Why? - Because the most AMAZING thing has happened to me.

Let me try to find some words to explain.

Last weekend I sat at the hospital window watching the day turn to night and wondered what the next few hours had in store for Gail and I.  Considering that she was halfway through her labour we were actually both very relaxed. So relaxed that she was able to get a couple of hours sleep during her contractions and I manged to find a chair in the corner of the room and quietly tune-in to radio 5-live commentary of the Liverpool v Oldham FA cup game.  This whole labour lark was seemingly a piece of cake, in fact it was quite nice to be doing something different at the weekend.

The minutes and hours passed-by and things continued to go smoothly - too smoothly.  However, it all changed very quickly and by the time midnight took us into the next day things had turned particularly bumpy for Gail and her tummy bump.  To cut to the chase all I can say is that the next few hours became particularly traumatic for everyone involved.

From my own point of view, once I had donned my surgeon's uniform and paper hat and joined the crew and cast in the theatre, I was subjected to mental torture, moments of curiosity, total bewilderment and absolute fear.  In the end though, all those feelings were surpassed.

"It's a boy," they told us.

The moment I saw him and they confirmed that he was all right I cant say that I felt elated, just sheer quivering relief.

"Do you want to hold him?" I was asked.
"No," I replied, "I'll drop him."  I was so scared of ruining everything after all the hard work everyone else had put in.

It's now a few days later and we are all back at home and my family has started to regain their fitness.  And now I realise that I am lucky enough to have experienced something that all new dads must feel once the penny starts to drop.  I can't quite believe it but I...am...a...FATHER.  What the hell is that all about?  I am so extremely proud of Gail for everything she has been through without any fuss whatsoever.  But more than anything when I look down at the little bundle of burping, pumping, rosy-cheeked joy in my lap I can truthfully say that I have fallen in love all over again.  That is what has happened to me and for me, this is my little moment of heaven.